


Reading Between the Lines, the extended version

by sheankelor



Series: Pekeleke's Drabble Inspirations [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:09:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheankelor/pseuds/sheankelor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wished to be a book, and he has good reason to do so. Severus treats his books like the precious items they are, and Harry feels as if they are more precious to Severus than he is. Is he willing to play second fiddle to paper and ink? Does he truly rank so low in Severus' heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reading Between the Lines, the extended version

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pekeleke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pekeleke/gifts).



> Originally posted at FFnet on 3/28/2014
> 
> Once again, my bookends for Pekeleke's drabbles got long winded. You see, every drabble had a setting that they go in, and everyone has a bit more to their tale. How did we get to the start, what happened next? I take the time out periodically to figure out the answer to that for Pekeleke's drabbles,and she is nice enough to let me.
> 
> That said, this set became its own monster, adding over 3000 words to her wonderful 100 word drabble 'Reading Between the Lines". If you do not see her Severus or her Ron in here, well that is because hers didn't want to visit me, and mine refused to act like hers. So, this tale is featuring my "The Weather Outside" Severus and my typical Ron. I don't know whose Harry it is. *shrugs*
> 
> Be warned, this is far more angst than I typically indulge in. Much, much more.
> 
> Posted with her permission

Harry stopped in the doorway of the study, watching as Severus gently placed the book he had been using back onto the shelf. Each book had a location, each one was lovingly put in its place, the tips of those long fingers caressing the spine as they gave the book its final push into its resting place. They lingered on the spine as if the owner didn't want to break contact, as if making a promise that he would be back and that the book would not be forgotten during their separation. The look on Severus' face said the same.

Desire rose up tainted with bitter jealousy. Harry wanted to be looked at like that. He wanted Severus' fingers to linger on him in a silent promise that echoed the one in his expression. Pushing it all aside with the ease of constant practice, Harry forced a smile onto his face.

"Diner is ready." He headed back towards the dining room before Severus could see the jealousy in his eyes. He knew that the man would not understand and he wouldn't burden him with his problems. He had pushed the feelings back into the small hole in his mind by time he reached the table.

It was the next day that the jealousy boiled out of its home once again. Severus was going through a box of salvage books and separating them into a keep pile and a worthless pile. The commentary about the worthless pile made watching this common event worth it time and time again. Watching how Severus caressed and savoured the keep pile drove tiny needles of pain through Harry. What was worse was that no matter how much Severus derided the worthless pile, they were treated with almost the same amount of reverence and care. Harry knew that when Severus would sell the worthless to someone else, that just the care that he showed the books would bring up the price on them and he would make far more money selling them than he originally spent on the entire box.

The keep pile would eventually end up with Severus notes all in the margins, each line marking the book as his, showing to the world and anyone who read it, that Severus cared enough about what was said to make a comment back to it. Twisting the gold band around his finger, he knew that many people considered that ring as Severus' mark on him, but deep inside, Harry didn't think it compared to the words in the margins of those books. Those words took more thought, more consideration, than buying a gold ring and letting Mrs. Weasley plan their wedding. All Severus had to do was show up and speak a few scripted lines.

Later that afternoon, Harry curled up in his seat and stared out the window. He knew that Severus loved him. If the man didn't he wouldn't be there with Harry. What he was doubting was he ranking in Severus' heart. Harry knew that he loved Severus, and loved him with all that was in him. He just needed to figure out if he could accept being second place, for it was obvious to Harry that books were Severus' first love. _'Well, at least it isn't a person. If I have to share him, come second place to something, at least it is a something not a someone. I don't want to let him go. I can't imagine not seeing him at the start of the day, when I have a question, or when it is time to go to bed. I just wished the books didn't come to bed with us, or join us at the table.'_

Swallowing hard, he knew what his decision was. He would stay and just accept that he was second fiddle to the books that Severus surrounded himself with.

(o.o)

Harry watched Severus carefully after his conversation with Ron. The memory was clear. He had gone over to Ron and Hermione's for dinner one evening when Severus was working late. Ron had asked him if there was anything in the world he could be, what would he choose. The choice had been ridiculously easy. The conversation played in his head once again.

" _That's easy. If I could be anything I wanted I'd be a book."_

_Ron gaped._

" _Why would you choose something so boring when you could be a time-turner, a refillable cookie-jar or, even better, the Quidditch World-Cup prize? Books are just... Ewww!"_

_Harry laughed:_

" _Hermione will have your head for saying that."_

" _She's too busy gushing over the Arithmancy encyclopedia that your git has been raving about since... Oh!"_

" _Ron..."_

" _You're jealous of Severus' books? That's bonkers, mate!"_

" _It's the way he looks at them, like they're all he needs or something."_

" _He looks at you like that, too, Harry..."_

He had tried to see what Ron said was true. Surely if Ron saw Severus looking at him the way Harry saw him look at the books, he could see it too. The hope that had blossomed at Ron's remark died slowly leaving Harry even further from happiness than he had been before Ron had figured it out. Shaking his head, he walked out of the house and strode to the nearest park. He didn't trust himself at that moment not to toss every single one of those books into a pile and burn them before banishing their ashes. Severus would never forgive him that. He knew his place.

(o.o)

Ron knew that Harry would never tell Severus that there was a problem, that something was bugging him. It was just the way his best mate worked. He would deal and never let the other person understand or explain.

Drawing up his courage, he knocked on the office door that the clerk had pointed out to him. Sure, Severus had been more civil since he and Harry became an item, but this was going to be a very touchy subject.

"Enter."

Making sure his wand was in easy reach, Ron walked in. "Afternoon, Severus."

Severus looked up in surprise, his quill pausing over the account books. "Ronald, what brings you here today?"

It was blatantly obvious to Ron that Severus was inquiring about Harry. "It is about Harry."

Surprise halted the words that Ron was about to say. Severus had literally shot up from his seat, the quill falling onto the book, splattering ink over the numbers that had been meticulously jotted down.

"Where is he, what has happened?" Severus was heading towards the door and let out a low growl when Ron moved to block him. "Out of my way, Weasley."

"Harry isn't in any danger... not right now. We won't know about later, but that is typical." Ron swallowed hard as the glare that hit him was strong enough to remove his skin. "I know you care for Harry, but I don't know if you noticed what is happening to him."

Severus crossed his arms and compressed his lips tight. The only reason Ronald was still standing there was the fact that Harry would have his hide if he had cursed the redhead. That, and he might actually get an answer to the question that had been alluding him for months. "What is happening?"

Ron ran a hand through his hair and decided to rush through this and just get it out in the open. There was no easy way to say it and he doubted that he would walk out of there the same as he had walked in. "Harry thinks you love your books more than him. He is positive that he is playing second fiddle to them. When I asked him what he wanted to be in all the world the other day, he said a book. It came out then, that he has noticed how you look at your books, how much care you take with them, how much you enjoy them, but he can't see the same being directed towards him. Don't get me wrong, Harry believes you love him, he just thinks he is second in line for your affection."

Taking a quick breath, Ron continued while Severus was still in shock. "He won't mention it to you, he is afraid of the answer, afraid of losing you, and he is used to be second fiddle according to him. He can deal with it, it is better than not having you. His words not mine."

Giving an earnest look at the now thunderous expression that was starting to fill Severus' face, Ron knew that he had to finish quickly. "I, though, don't think he is second in your list and that you deserve to know what he believes. Don't blow up at him, or attack him. Just let him see that you care more about him than those books."

With a quick nod, he dodged out the door and bolted away from the apothecary grateful that he still had his hide and wondered for how long.

(o.o)

Severus stood still for the longest moment, his view of the world turned slightly because of the twist that took a friend with Gryffindor courage to complete. The pieces fell into place, like in a kaleidoscope, showing him all the things that had puzzled him in a new light, one that made sense. The tenseness in Harry's shoulders when he talked to him in the library, the stiffness of his demeanour when he carried a book to the table, and the coolness of his reception when he just had to finish that last chapter before they settled down to sleep.

_'How can he be jealous of a book? They are just things. A possession to have, to keep safe, and to use when I need to. Harry is so much more than that.'_

Turning back to his accounts, he picked up the quill and cleaned up the spilled ink. Straightening his desk, Severus decided he needed to go home.

(o.o)

Harry spun about quickly when the floo sounded and his eyes widened when Severus stepped out of it. "What are you doing home so early?"

A small smile flitted over his face until he realized that it must be because Severus needed a book from his home library.

Severus caught the smile and then its change. Searching that face for just a second he decided that he couldn't let this continue. Yes, Weasley suggested showing Harry just how much he meant and not truly bring up the topic, but in Severus' experience, that meant that there was a bandage over the problem, but the wound was still festering. This issue had to be brought out into the light of day and then cleansed. Only then would Harry believe. The first thing needed was for Harry to know that Severus had come home for him and nothing else.

Crossing the room, he pulled Harry into his arms and kissed him deeply. He could feel Harry stiffen in surprise and then melt under his hands as they roved over every part of Harry's backside he could reach. Ending the kiss, he looked down into the bright green eyes. They looked happier than he could remember them being in months. Garnering his resolve to approach this issue with as much Gryffindorish methods as he could, he pulled Harry to the table and pushed him into a seat.

"Do not interrupt, do not lose your temper, and answer every question -every request - honestly no matter how embarrassed or uncertain you are about the answer's reception. Not one drop of falsehood, omission, or deception will be tolerated." So much for the Gryffindor approach.

Harry stiffened in his seat, his eyes wide and filled with a tinge of fear.

Severus sat down caddy corner to Harry, making sure to hold hands, hoping that that contact would reassure his husband. It was also to keep him from fleeing. "For at least the last year, and especially the last several months, something has distressed you. Something that I have said or done has made you wary, uncertain, or upset." He lifted his gaze from their clasped hands and stared directly into Harry's eyes. "Tell me what is going on. What have I done?"

He could feel Harry's hands trembling in his, but Harry's eyes didn't dart about, though he could tell that they wanted to. "We are married, we are a couple, we are in a relationship. For any of those to work, communication has to happen. No horrible secrets, no skeletons in the closet that the other doesn't know. No dreading or fearing the other might do something, believe something, or want something. Communication is to discuss all those fears, wants and beliefs so that the two won't fall apart. Harry, at this moment I am giving in. I have tried to deduce what is going on, tried to give you a chance to talk to me, the time you needed to put your thoughts in order. I can't take the wait anymore. This - Us being us - is one of the truly good and happy things in my life. I feel as if I am waiting on it to crumble into the sand that my dream castle was built out of."

Letting his uncertainty show, Severus waited. There was nothing left for him to say.

Harry felt a lump form in his throat and tears well up in his eyes. Pushing both of them away, Harry searched the dark eyes, looking for who knew what - he certainly didn't know, but what he found was the courage to answer like Severus asked him to - the complete truth and nothing left out.

All his fears about the books being worth more than him to Severus poured into the sunny kitchen and they seemed to darken the air about him. He spoke about how Severus looked at them, how his fingers lingered, how careful he was with them. How each book knew exactly where it belonged and how necessary it was to Severus. Finally, the part he hadn't even dared to mention to Ron crawled out of that dark hole in his mind. He felt his face flush as he talked about how Severus wrote in the margins of each book, marking them as his own, forever since those words would be there permanently. Nothing could remove them. Nothing would want to, especially the books that he had marked.

The words finally stopped and a queasy feeling settled low in to his stomach as he waited for Severus to either laugh at him while calling him a dunderhead or to say that Harry was right.

Severus absently played with their wedding rings, lightly tapping them together, as his thoughts swirled about. He could see the fear creeping into Harry's eyes as his mind tried to digest all that Harry had said, and knew that he had to respond soon. Running his fingers over the back of the hand clasped in his, he started. "You are right, Harry. I do love my books. But you couldn't be more wrong about what is more important to me. You are the most important thing, not just person, in my life. Even in my death."

Sighing lightly, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his husband's trembling lips. Moving back just a bit, he looked into the wet green eyes as he continued. "Books... books have been my companion for as long as I can remember. They were there at Spinner's End giving me a place to hide while my parents had problems. They were at school as a shield when the bullies came about. They became my life line at Hogwarts as I was losing my only true living friend at the time. They stuck by me as I let my hatred win, and they were my sanity when I was spying."

Drawing in a deep breath, he continued. "I used to be able to lose myself in their pages, jot a note down and hold a conversation with the words on the page. Leave this world for another and only return when I wanted to." He let his thumb caress over Harry's hand, avoiding the scar on the back out of habit. Those were not his words. "But then you came. You, just by walking into the room, can pull me back into this world. Back into reality. Even as I finish a section, I constantly know where you are and what you are doing. When Ronald stopped by earlier to point out just what I couldn't figure out, I knew that there was far more to this than he said."

Anger started to fill Harry's face and Severus reached up with one hand and brushed his fingers over his cheek. "Even if Ronald hadn't come to talk to me, we would have been having this conversation this weekend. Do not be angry at him, he was doing just as a good friend should."

He waited until Harry calmed down before continuing. "Now, the question remains of how we should address these fears. No matter that they are out in the open and known, they will still fester unless we set parameters. Tell me what you want and then we'll discuss them."

Harry blinked and swallowed hard. It was plain to see that Severus truly wanted his opinion. "No books at the table or in the bedroom. If you just have to finish a chapter, then do so and leave the book behind."

Severus nodded. "Easily done. I will also try to show you how much you mean to me when you can see it. I know that I tend to hide those looks and touches... I know it is because you are important to me and are able to walk out. You are not my possession, I can't keep you if you want to leave." He looked down for a long moment before raising his eyes again to Harry's. "I have problems showing them too you because it is a habit - if you know how much I care you can hurt me more." The side of his mouth quirked up slightly. "Not hurt me more, but I wouldn't have my pride to hide behind if you decided to."

Standing up, Severus pulled Harry to his feet and then into his arms. "I love you, Harry Potter. You are the most important thing to me, never question that again. But if you do, ask me the question and don't let it fester, please."

Snuggling deeper into those arms, Harry felt a smile, a true happy one, fill his face and his heart. "I will, promise."

(o.o)

Harry walked out of the Auror training room after the newest batch of trainees left. He was pleased not to be out in the field and even more pleased to be teaching students that were interested and wanted to learn. He glanced at the showers that everyone was pouring into and the grabbed his bag. He would shower later.

"Potter! Come on, there is enough hot water for you to get cleaned up. I know that the others aren't going to want to smell the stench during the meeting later."

Harry frowned at Mitchell, his co-trainer, as the man pointed at the door. "I'd rather -" Mitchell cut him off.

"No one is worried that you bat for our team, we all know that your married and that it would be worth your life to cheat. No one is stupid enough to get Snape mad at them. And if you like what you see, well, we've all ogled the girls."

Harry shook his head and headed for the showers. "I know you have, but not in the showers."

Heading in, he found one with privacy curtains. "I'll take this one, so no one will have to worry."

Dropping his bag, he headed in and stripped down. Cutting on the water, he lathered up his soap and cleaned the sweat from the morning away. His fingers lingered on the black letters that swooped over his left hip, following the bone. He had asked for them to be in red, but Severus had insisted that he wasn't writing corrections and only corrections were written in red. He knew every word that was written there. He has listened to them as Severus wrote them before spelling them permanent.

_Happiness is hard to find and harder to hold. I will do whatever I can to keep mine. My happiness is called Harry._

Drying off he started dressing and stepped out of the shower while pulling on his shirt. "Happy now, Mitchell?"

"Yep, let's get to that meeting."

As Mitchell walked into the room, he nodded at Ferguson. He had succeeded in his mission.


End file.
